How To Overcome Negative Self-Talk
Understanding how to overcome negative self talk can take you from where you are to where you want to be.
I’m not exaggerating, I promise!
Negative self talk can stop you from pursuing your dreams. It stops you in your tracks and makes you think, ‘who the hell do I think I am?“
Well, let me tell you who you are. You’re someone who is going to start talking more kindly to yourself.
How to overcome negative self talk can be done in a few simple steps, and I’m going to show you how.
This post is about how to overcome negative self-talk
What is negative self talk?
Negative self talk is that little voice in your head that consistently puts you down.
When you say you’re going to start the diet on Monday, it’s the voice saying “no you won’t, you haven’t got it in you.“
It’s the discouraging voice that when you see your dream job come up and you think you should apply, it says “you can’t do that job! You don’t have the experience or knowledge for it – you’re completely in capable.”
This inner voice, this negative self talk, focuses on your faults, past mistake and self doubts.
Why does this matter?
It matters because these thoughts are not real, and they sure as hell don’t reflect the truth.
It’s important to remember that this negative self talk comes from learned patterns and they can be changed.
I’m going to show you how to overcome negative self talk.
Why negative self talk is so harmful
It matters more than you might think about how we talk to ourselves.
It shapes how we see ourselves, it can prevent us from pursuing opportunities and you start to doubt yourself.
The odd negative thought won’t harm us, but the consistent negative self talk over a long period of time can really change our mindset.
How it keeps you stuck
Negative self talk thrives off fear.
This fear of self doubt, low self esteem, failure and getting it wrong keeps you right where you are.
This fear prevents you from stepping out of your comfort zone. You’ll find yourself overthinking every decision or second guessing yourself.
How to notice negative self talk
This might sound simple, but for some people these negative self talk has been on reply for years.
They may seem ‘normal’ as they will be automatic responses.
Here are a few things to look out for:
Self-criticism
Catastrophising
Assuming the worst
Harsh “should” statements
When you start to notice these, don’t judge yourself. Just observe what your initial thoughts are.
Notice your triggers
Negative self talk is normally triggered by certain situations. Here are some examples of when it might be triggered:
Stress or feeling overwhelmed
Comparing yourself to others
Feeling tired or run down
Making a mistake
Being in unfamiliar situations
It’s important to keep notes when you get triggered. You’ll start to see patterns and become better prepared in these situations.
In these moments, you can take a second to ask yourself “What story am I telling myself?” You’re the narrator, you get to decide what you say to yourself.
How to overcome negative self talk
Once you learn your triggers, this is where you can start to challenge them.
This isn’t about thinking positive thoughts – which does help! But its a focus on asking yourself if what you’re saying to yourself is true.
Is the negative self talk 100% fact? Probably not, but this is where you get to ask yourself this.
You’ll probably find that what you’re saying to yourself is either exaggerated, one sided or based on past experiences.
Example of negative self talk
If you find yourself saying, “I always mess up, I can’t do this.” Then you need to ask yourself:
What evidence supports this?
What evidence goes against it?
Have you been in similar situations where you handled it well? Are there small wins you’re forgetting about? Is this something you would say to a friend?
This questioning allows you to reframe the negative self talk and change it.
Instead of saying “I always mess this up“, to “I’m still learning and thats OK.”
Tools to overcome negative self talk
The main problem with negative self talk is that its always worst case scenario. “I’m never good at this“, I’m always messing up“, “Everyone hates me.“
Jumping straight into positive thinking can be a big step for some, so here are a few techniques to use:
Neutral talk
Rather than using harsh words such as never, always and everyone. You can switch to, this is a set back, I’m learning, that didn’t go as planned, I make mistakes.
Affirmations
Affirmations are positive short statements we repeat to ourselves to rewire our negative thoughts.
Repeating statements such as “I’m learning to be kinder to myself,” or “I’m building confidence step by step.”
Repeating them regularly helps to rewire your thought patterns.
Journaling
As mentioned before, writing your negative self talk patterns helps you to identify any patterns.
Writing down your problems or whenever you feel overwhelmed can help to release the negative thoughts and put situations into perspective.
Learning how to overcome negative self talk takes time. But with the tools I’ve shared with you in this post, you’ve got a head start.
It’s important to remember that the voices that put you down, make you believe that you’re not capable are not true! It’s past failures, doubts and fear that are rearing their ugly head.
Be consistent, try out all the methods we’ve discussed and find the one that works best for you.
